My whole life is being played out like a movie in my head, but it’s completely different from the one I live in reality.
For as long as I can remember – I can remember certain details from when I was four years old – I have had delusions of grandeur. Whether it was in a game we were playing as kids, a race I was going to run, a speech I had to deliver, or a written test I was going to write, I would imagine acing it. I don’t mean lazing around, not preparing or training and ‘day-dreaming’ of success. When you have done all the hard work necessary, in your mind’s eye you see an image of you accepting the trophy, or standing on a podium and making an acceptance speech, or a photo-finish picture of you as your chest breaks through the tape.
Of significance, although those future images are always of a positive and good outcome, it is rare that it works out quite like that. In most cases, it is not an outright victory. It didn’t matter if I came first, third or last in the race, received an ‘A grade’ on my exam paper, or a ‘C’ or if I was caught out early in the kid’s game and made to sit out, the next time, I would see visions of success again.
As I look back over my life, I am struck by the many time’s things didn’t quite work out the way the movie in my head thought it would. Most times, because of the challenges I faced, detours I had to take, and adjustments I had to make to my plan, the final outcomes rarely resembled anything like those I imagined. It is also rare that the outcome even makes sense at the time, I have to check myself to not doubt the process. I don’t always succeed. When I start looking for problems that aren’t there, I will fall into despair and become negative. But through having an awareness, I try to get out of the rut and pick myself up. I normally wallow for a short while, but I tend to move back into a positive state.
I’ve never understood blatant naysayers that see the world as a cynical and evil place with dangers and pitfalls around every corner, where nothing or no-one can be trusted. You are missing out on the best part of life when you live it as if it’s rigged to trip you up. Why live your life in monochrome? Life is made up of so many different facets and nuances that it’s impossible not to have a ‘plot twist’ in your life from time to time. It’s bound to happen somewhere at some time. Why not be ready for it with a surprise of your own, an attitude of possibility.
When you choose to live your life in full-colour, in all its splendour and awesomeness, you open yourself to being gracious and generous, to showing compassion and love, to living a life of depth and character.
The life I chase and the one I am always rooting for is the one that is playing out in my head. And although I know it is a false illusion, one that almost never plays out in reality, I am determined never to give up believing in my Grand Illusion.
Have an awesome weekend. 😉
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